Can the Collaborative Process Work with a Coercively Controlling Spouse?
Collaborative law is often praised for its respectful, solution-focused approach to resolving family disputes. But what happens when one party in the relationship has been coercively controlling? Can a process built on mutual respect and open communication still work?
The short answer is: sometimes, but only with the right safeguards and professional insight.
Understanding Coercive Control
Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour used to dominate, intimidate, or isolate a partner. It may not involve physical violence, but it can be just as damaging. Common signs include:
Restricting access to money, transport, or communication
Isolating someone from friends, family, or support networks
Undermining confidence or independence
Using threats, guilt, or manipulation to maintain control
It’s often subtle and difficult to detect from the outside, but its impact can be profound and long-lasting.
Why Collaborative Law Can Be Challenging in These Situations
The collaborative process is built on the assumption that both parties can speak freely, negotiate fairly, and make informed decisions. But when coercive control is present, or has been in the past, those assumptions may not hold.
The controlled partner may:
Feel unable to express their views openly
Agree to terms out of fear or habit, rather than genuine consent
Struggle with confidence or decision-making
Be at risk of further manipulation, even in a professional setting
Even with lawyers present, the power imbalance can persist, especially if it’s been ingrained over time.
When Collaborative Law Might Still Be Appropriate
That said, collaborative law isn’t automatically off the table. In some cases, it can still work but only if certain conditions are met:
The controlling behaviour has stopped: There must be clear evidence that the coercive control is no longer ongoing.
The vulnerable party has strong support: This includes a skilled solicitor and possibly a family consultant or coach.
Safeguards are in place: These might include separate arrival times, private pre-meetings, or even shuttle-style sessions.
There is a genuine commitment to fairness: Both parties must be willing to engage in good faith.
In these circumstances, collaborative law can offer a structured, supported environment for reaching agreement, without the adversarial nature of court.
Alternatives to Consider
If collaborative law isn’t suitable, there are still non-court options that can offer more protection:
Solicitor-led negotiation: Your lawyer negotiates on your behalf, without joint meetings.
Mediation with shuttle or hybrid models: You don’t have to be in the same room, and your lawyer can be present.
Court proceedings: In some cases, especially where safety is a concern, court may be the safest and most appropriate route.
Final Thoughts: Safety First, Always
Collaborative law can be a powerful tool, but it’s not a one-size-fits-all solution. If you’ve experienced coercive control, your safety, autonomy, and wellbeing must come first. A good family lawyer will help you explore all your options and choose the path that empowers you, not one that puts you back in the shadow of control.
Article written by: Emma Wilders-Pratt. Head of Family. Trethowans LLP
